How can you restore a struggling student’s confidence?

A loss of confidence often shows in the work before it is clearly put into words. The student says “I’m useless”, avoids getting started, immediately asks whether their answer is right or gives up at the first mistake. Telling them again that they “can do it” can then remain abstract: their recent experience sometimes tells them the opposite.

After six years of private tutoring, I therefore prefer to start from observable behaviours: can they get started alone? What minimal help allows them to get going again? Can they explain their mistake after correction? Do they succeed at a similar task a few days later? Confidence then becomes something you rebuild from real skills.

1. Understanding how a loss of confidence sets in

A specific difficulty can gradually turn into a general conclusion. “I get fractions wrong” becomes “I’m bad at maths”, then sometimes “working is pointless”. Each new exercise is then approached expecting another failure.

Several signs may appear:

• the student avoids exercises where they might make a mistake;
• they seek the adult’s approval after each step;
• they answer “I don’t know” before really trying, a behaviour that calls for building independence step by step;
• they interpret a bad mark as proof of a general inability;
• they only work on exercises they already know how to do;
• they constantly compare themselves with the fastest students.

The relationship between confidence and results should, however, be presented with caution. A study of 2,359 German lower-secondary students published in 2024 found a strong association between academic self-efficacy and results in maths and German. Its cross-sectional design, however, does not on its own establish causality: achievement, motivation and a sense of self-efficacy can influence one another.

Replacing labels with observations

Global wording	More useful wording
You’re useless at maths	Fractions with different denominators are not yet mastered.
You lack confidence	You check each step with the adult before carrying on alone.
You don’t work enough	The exercises set this week have not been started.
You’re not cut out for speaking in front of others	You know the content but lose the thread when you have to speak without notes.

The second column opens up a possible action. The first temporarily turns a difficulty into an identity.

2. Distinguishing a real difficulty from a sense of failure

Restoring confidence does not mean denying gaps. If the student genuinely has not mastered a skill, telling them that “everything’s fine” does not help them with the next exercise.

There are three common situations to distinguish.

The skill has not yet been acquired

The student fails even on a simple version of the task. You need to go back to the prerequisite, explain it differently, then gradually rebuild up to the expected level of difficulty.

The student can do it but anticipates failure

They succeed when asked to try, but systematically announce that they will not manage. In this case, you need to make their real successes visible, and above all what they achieve without help.

They only succeed when heavily guided

The session seems successful, but independent work then collapses. The priority is not to pile on praise: you need to gradually reduce the hints provided by the adult.

For a parent unsure whether this is a one-off difficulty or a need for more structured support, our article on the signs that a child may need private tutoring helps look at how long blocks last and how often they recur, rather than at a single bad mark.

3. Setting goals small enough to be genuinely achievable

“Get back to an average of 15 out of 20”, “become good at maths” or “regain confidence” are goals too broad to guide a session. You need to define what the student should succeed at today.

For example:

• solve three equations without asking for the first step;
• write the introduction to a commentary alone;
• present a topic for two minutes without reading their notes;
• correct a sign error while explaining its cause;
• work on an exercise for three minutes before asking for a hint.

The level of challenge matters. A task that is far too easy may reassure for a few minutes but does not show the student that they are capable of progressing. A task that is far too difficult, on the other hand, recreates the experience of failure you are trying to break.

A practical method is to choose an exercise the student cannot yet fully do alone, then provide the minimum help needed. On the next exercise, you remove part of that help. The difficulty increases once the previous step becomes more independent.

Keeping some evidence of progress

A very simple record can be enough: “Monday: two hints needed; Friday: comparable exercise done alone”. The point is not to note every move, but to make the shift from help to independence tangible.

This comparison often speaks to the student more than “you’ve made progress”, because it shows them exactly what has changed.

4. Praising the method rather than the mark

“You’re clever” or “you’re really gifted” seem encouraging but do not indicate what can be repeated in the next exercise.

The Education Endowment Foundation’s Teaching and Learning Toolkit distinguishes feedback on the task, the process or self-regulation from feedback aimed directly at the person; the latter tends to be the least effective. Useful feedback above all gives precise information about what worked and about the next step.

Compare:

“You’re good when you concentrate.”

with:

“You reread the instructions, spotted on your own the piece of information you had missed and corrected your first strategy. That’s the check you need to do again on the next exercise.”

The second wording links success to actions the student can repeat.

One mistake does not cancel out all the reasoning

There is no need to turn a wrong answer into an artificial success. You can say: “the result is wrong, but the method you chose is correct; the error appears on the second line”. The student thus learns to locate a mistake rather than regard all their work as a failure.

5. Pitching exercises at the right level of challenge

When a student is afraid of failing, two opposite responses are tempting: give them only easy exercises to reassure them, or keep the difficulty high straight away to force them to persevere.

The most useful approach often lies in between.

Situation observed	Possible adjustment
The student no longer even starts	Go back to a short task where the first move is easy to identify.
They only succeed with a model	Gradually remove some steps from the model.
They succeed at standard exercises but panic when the wording changes	Offer variations that use the same skill in a different form.
They succeed but put everything down to luck	Have them explain the strategy they have just used themselves.

This mechanism is particularly important when dealing with fear of maths. A meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin synthesised 747 effect sizes and found a small-to-moderate negative association between maths anxiety and performance, with an average correlation of −0.28. This is an association, not proof that a single mechanism always runs from anxiety to poor results: difficulties and anxiety can, in particular, reinforce each other.

When faced with a block, you therefore need to work both on the academic skill and on the conditions under which the student is willing to use it.

6. The role of the private tutor

Private tutoring above all provides individual observation time. The tutor can stop the exercise at the first difficulty, test a prerequisite, change the explanation and immediately check what the student can redo without help.

Their role, however, is not to become a permanent source of approval. If the student asks “is that right?” after every line and immediately gets the answer, the session may feel reassuring while keeping them dependent.

The tutor can gradually replace approval with questions:

• “how can you check this line?”;
• “which part do you already know how to do?”;
• “try again before I give you a hint”;
• “what difference do you see with the previous exercise?”;
• “what did you manage today without my help?”.

Choosing the tutor is therefore important. A student losing confidence needs support that can remain demanding without turning every mistake into a global failure. NOEO lets you browse tutors selected by subject and level and talk to them free of charge before booking a session.

Follow-up then makes it possible to check that the dynamic is changing. On NOEO, the session report can in particular bring out strengths, areas for improvement and the work to prepare. The relevant criterion is not “was the student praised?” but, for example: did they need fewer hints? did they correct a mistake alone? is the skill worked on still available at the next session?

The relationship with the parent should remain consistent with this approach. Our guide to communication between parents and private tutors explains how to follow the student without turning every difficulty into a report for the family.

7. Situations that call for another professional

A private tutor works on learning. They are neither a psychologist, nor a doctor, nor a bullying specialist. When a difficulty at school is part of a wider sense of unease, adding exercises does not necessarily address the problem.

The French Ministry of Education (ministère de l’Éducation nationale) states that the school’s social and health staff can step in when distress is identified, assess the situation and, if necessary, refer the student to a healthcare partner. Parents can also request an appointment with the school nurse or doctor.

It makes sense to widen the search for help when difficulties are persistently accompanied by marked withdrawal, sleep problems, significant anxiety, repeated physical complaints or a marked change in behaviour. These signs alone do not establish a diagnosis: above all, they indicate that the situation should not be reduced to a lack of willpower.

Bullying is not a problem of school motivation

If the student is repeatedly subjected to verbal, physical or psychological violence, the situation must be dealt with directly. The national Non au harcèlement (No to Bullying) programme advises parents to contact the school’s management quickly. 3018 is also the national helpline for support and reporting.

Likewise, a private tutor should not diagnose a learning disorder. They can describe precisely the difficulties observed and the adjustments that seem to help; any assessment is a matter for the relevant professionals.

How can you tell whether confidence is really coming back?

The question should not only be “do they feel better?”. Also look at what the student does differently:

• do they start more tasks without waiting for approval?
• do they stay with a difficulty longer before giving up?
• do they ask for a hint rather than going straight to the solution?
• can they explain a mistake without concluding that they are “useless”?
• do they identify what they can now do alone?
• do they gradually accept slightly harder tasks?

These signs guarantee neither an immediate rise in average marks nor the disappearance of anxiety. They do, however, show that the relationship with difficulty is changing: the student has more strategies and depends less on the adult to move forward.